Assembly...urk...

So, I just returned home from school. And let me tell you, I did NOT have a good morning. We had an assembly today for the annual fundraiser, and it was absolutely ass-backwards-retarded. Ok, so the guy doing the assembly was very enthusiastic, and I understand that. He did his job just fine[albeit with his head stuck up his ass~Wibs].But the problem is this: Ok, so to entice us to sell crap for fundraising, we get these prizes depending on how many things we sell. BUT. THE DAMN PRIZES SUCK ASS. SE. RI. OUS. LY.

• "Oooh look! If you sell three things you get a freaking FAKE TATTOO!!!!" Ok seriously man, a fake tattoo?! That's just so retarded I don't even want to talk about it. Actually, that would mean I wouldn't want to talk about anything else here either.
• "Sell a bit more and you get a BEDROOM DOOR ALARM! OMG!" At this point, a small portion of the sixth graders were beginning to get riled up and excited. I, (and many of my friends) was just becoming less and less amused. No one needs this crap. If you catch a sibling in your room, just land a few good ones on them and that should teach them to stay out forever. No need to get a door alarm that beeps and is easy to bypass.Who says you need to turn the doorknob to open the door? The credit card trick'll get past that really nicely and quickly.
• "Next is the Mini Webcam!!! You can take up to 64 pictures and put 'em on your computer!" Now the sixth graders are getting really excited. A few of the seventh graders also started jumping up and down like idiots too. Have these fools ever heard of webcams before?! Why the hell are these retards screaming with desire for a webcam? Seriously. Even worse, when he showed us a short demo of its "capabilities" (more like deficiencies), the resolution was absolutely HORRIBLE. Yep, he definitely got THAT thing from the dollar store.
• "Liek omg, nao we have our freakin MP3 PLAYERS!!!! WOO!" At this point all the sixth and seventh graders had absolutely lost their minds. I was prepared to euthanize all of them, as it surely was painful being so retarded. We had no choice. We were the only sane ones left. Seriously. There was no doubt that these were those really crappy bootleg MP3 players I see all over the place when I go to China. Yep, sure enough, the interface was copied right off of the iPod, complete with THE SAME EXACT MENU CHOICES. Ugh. Disgustarific.
• As we went up to the high level prizes, consisting of actually desirable things such as Xboxes, Wiis, and PS3's (not so sure about the desirable part on that last one x3), one thing struck me that those previously marked as insane obviously didn't realize. These prizes aren't worth the trouble! Nobody in their right mind (then again there were few people who actually retained their sanity, namely US) is going to sell 100 magazines (roughly $2,000 worth) just to get an absolutely horrible cellphone and one year of service. Nor are they going to sell 150 (or was it 200? I don't know. I shredded up the prize sheet upon receiving it because I was that pissed) magazines for a MacBook which they don't mention is the cheapest model. But oh, all those people screaming at the top of their lungs in excitement don't REALIZE THAT!

Ugh. So yeah, the assembly sucked. At least I had my penmod with me so I could penspin.

Note from Wibs: By the way, you forgot to mention the people who thought up the lame "theme" had their heads stuck up their asses. "Mission Possible"...how lame is that?

RE: Note from Wibs: Oh yeah huh...I guess I was just too steamed to remember that part...