Guns, Knives, Syringes, and Cars, Oh My!

So, you hear it on the news all day, and you see it pasted all over your school's rules. Weapons are BAD. Well, gentle readers, I am here to prove them WRONG :3. First off, guns are good :D. I mean seriously, they KILL stuff! Wheeeee!!! Nothing's more fun than seeing those bullets shoot out in excess of 1200 feet per second and tearing up the flesh of little forest animals! Or people if you so desire. Next up, knives! That feeling of that blade sinking into stuff, be it a block of cake, cheese, or FLESH, is unbelievably fun~~~~!!!!! Practice with jelly donuts and move up the ladder :3.
Somewhat equal to knives in shankage are syringes! Commonly used to administer medicine and, uh, other substances, you can just inject someone with a healthy amount of water, and watch their blood pressure rise! (Maybe you get to see them explode!!!) Finally, we've come to cars! Oh boy! Screw cars, get a truck cab and drive on the sidewalk in Times Square! Here's a game you can play! Try to time the thumps you hear from running something over to the beat of a song!!!! Yeaaaaa!!!! *spazzdie*

Note from Wibs: If you have none of these weapons at hand, you could always go postal with fists. The crunching of bones can be satisfying as well.

Pissed? It's satire.